“Without friction a wheel cannot move forward.”
– Unknown
I want to live with an appreciation for the friction in my life which strengthens my leadership skills and makes me more resilient. At InnerWill, one of our five practices of Values Based Leadership is to Practice Reflection – which is, in essence, pausing to learn. The behaviors that support this practice are:
• Review my thoughts, actions, and impact
• Learn from experience
• Apply the lessons
This year has been a challenging one so far, and for me there is much upon which to reflect.
Early in January as I prepared for a double knee replacement, I got my house in order, prepared meals for my freezer, borrowed the necessary post-surgery equipment, and strengthened my upper body. The first weeks after surgery were difficult and quite painful but, over time and with physical therapy, I made progress every single day.
After my recovery I welcomed my return to the office, but it was just a few short weeks before the Covid-19 pandemic relegated me and my colleagues to working from home. It was time to shift again and work on flexibility.
In late April I received word that my beloved mother was not doing well, and she wanted to see me and my husband. We made plans to visit briefly, but shortly after our arrival discovered that she was very ill. Six weeks later we laid her to rest. Then we headed home to quarantine for two weeks.
During this time, racial and political protests erupted with many people clamoring for their voices to be heard and understood, but my world was so focused on taking care of my mother that I was not fully aware of all that was taking place. As I worked through my grief and reconnected with the wider world, it became clear that there were opportunities for me to have conversations, to listen and learn much, and to move forward into positive change. The world and my world were both topsy-turvey.
So how does one lead oneself and others in the midst of the overwhelming circumstances many of us are experiencing? How are you choosing to lead yourself and others through the challenges of 2020? Here’s what I am in the process of learning and practicing:
• Focusing on what I can control – I don’t have control over many of the events right now, but I have the power to make many choices about how I show up and influence.
• Making decisions and living in alignment with my values – Keeping my values as my filter for my decisions and actions provides me with a stable platform, keeping me steady in times of stress, uncertainty, and chaos.
• Giving a voice to what I am feeling – Name it and acknowledge it, don’t bury it. Neuroscience shows that understanding and naming emotion is part of the process of moving through it and being resilient. For me, this also means being willing to share my thoughts and feelings, allowing myself to grieve loss at the pace I set, extending grace to myself and others, and letting go of the things that no longer serve me well.
• Staying in the present – I want to focus on the gift in front of me rather than focusing on what might happen! This means cultivating the practice of gratitude for the here and now and keeping relationships top of mind.
• Seeking to learn – I’m committed to expanding my knowledge and gaining wisdom from others. This means actively listening to understand others’ points of view and perspectives and being aware of my biases. It means meeting people where they are, not where I want them to be, and remembering that everyone I meet has a story.
I am definitely on a learning path this year and practicing many things that I want to become more automatic. My intention is to stay true to myself, honor others, stay healthy, and grow my leadership awareness and skills. Values Based Leadership is more relevant than ever as we strive to navigate uncharted waters and to live into our potential.
I would love to hear the lessons you are learning. Let’s help each other grow and fan the flame of hope!
Carla, I am so very sorry to hear of the loss of your mother. I am fortunate to still have both of my parents and I do not take that for granted. My prayers are with you and your family.
You may not remember me (from the heart center at VCU) but I think of you often and still pull out some of the lessons you taught me. That professional development series and the time we spent together was truly a gift. I try to focus on those things I can influence; work to the best of my ability; strive to be someone’s sunshine each day and to meet people where they are. I am not always successful but these goals are always in the background.
You take care and know you are great at what you do and you touch people in a remarkable way through your coaching and sharing of life experiences!
Clare, Of course I remember you; it was a pleasure to partner with you. Thank you so much for your thoughtful note and encouragement! We are thrilled to hear that the professional development series and coaching had such a positive impact. You absolutely live the goals you mentioned; thanks for making VCU Health even better!
Carla, this piece is just what I needed this morning. Your fortitude and tenacity in a time of adversity inspires me.
I am learning to stay in the present and control the controllable. Lord knows!!! there is a whole lot that is currently out of control.
Thank you for sharing, Valerie; so very good to hear from you! I agree with you that there are many things out of our control YET there are many things in our control! How are you supporting your practice of staying in the present? I would love to hear.
Dear Carla
I have never met you but want you to know you left a very positive mark on me through this blog. You are a remarkable person.
Please accept my condolences on the passing of your mother. She must be very proud of you. She was a special part of who you are today.
I will pray for you and your mother.
J DeLorenzo
Judy, Thank you so much for taking the time to write a note in response to this blog; it’s nice to know it had a positive impact! Thank you for your kind words and prayers.
Carla, I’m so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your story and the valuable lessons you have learned and are helping others learn at this challenging time. I am always grateful for your perspective and will definitely be sharing these words with others.
Tracey, we are all learning and hopefully practicing new ways of navigating right now. Thank you for being someone who looks for ways to make the world a better place, and takes action!